The 2017 Bulimia Conference gave me the courage to speak and let it all out. It was an event spearheaded by Eating Disorder Hope, an organization geared towards helping people who are suffering from eating disorders.
What are eating disorders, you ask? Anorexia, sickness of the royalty, as they say, is one of them. It is when a person feels so fat, even if he or she is not, and with that, the person does not want to eat anymore because of that thinking. The Princess of Sweden suffers from it. Bulimia, another sickness of those with “royal blood” – Princess Diana is rumored to have suffered from that condition before. It is when a person eats and eats and eats, and then, throws up afterwards. Bulimia is also over-exercising which is really bad for health. Anything in excess is not good. There is also what you call Binge Eating Disorder wherein a person will just binge-eat compulsively and not knowing how to stop. And then, the person will feel so bad afterward. These three are eating disorders and I had one of them before. I had bulimia, and this is my story.
I never really like myself while I was growing up. Being in a broken home was one aspect of that self-loathing that I was once practicing. I was also too hard on myself and always on the negative. That’s how I grew up and that’s how I believed I was – I had no parent to guide me on what is good or not good. When my parents split up, they both neglected me and I lived with my grandma. I started hating myself more and more each day and food was my only recourse. Eat, puke. Eat, puke. Eat and eat, then, puke. I did that for a year until my grandma realized what I have been doing and got me help.
Now, I am fully recovered. The conference brought me a glimpse of my past and how I want to be a person who can help the “what used to be me.” Yes, I was once a sufferer, and now I am one who helps. And I am very proud of myself.